Sunday, May 6, 2012

I Will Have Words

So I finished watching SPARTACUS Vengeance, and Blood and Sand and Gods of the Arena.
Wow. So... I don't want to say cool, because... all that blood, it's funny because it's too much, but I love the 300-type of art direction, it's beautifully epic.
Love the story too, with all the degenerate romans backstabbing each other and the world, and Spartacus and co. desperately trying to rise above (but doomed to fail). The drama is endless and oh-so-good.
Anyway, here's a good drinking game while watching Spartacus:

  • One shot for every time someone gets hit in the face, their head turns with the impact, and blood spurts out. Two shots if said blood reaches the camera.
  • One shot for every time someone "will have words".

You know you watch too much Spartacus when you start saying "gratitude" instead of thanks and "apologies" instead of sorry, or when you're happy about some achievement you start to sing "my cock rages on", LOL. But you know what's the best about this tv show? all the cursing!
Jupiter's cock!
Quintus Batiatus was a quote machine too. Pretty much every time he said anything it was awesome (in its crudeness, horrible most), and the fact that the actor committed and sold his lines. All that spreading of cheeks while the gods ram cock in ass... hilarious.
So now, what will happen in Spartacus? what's left? he will have to recruit, finally, and build his army, and the romans will come and... win. *BIG SIGH*.
History tells us that after the battles, all the spartacus people that were left alive got crucified. Ugh. Well, that's history for you. I wonder how the show will spin it to give us some semblance of a happy ending... but... will they give a happy ending? should they give a happy ending? The show is supposed to be an accurate depiction of what might have happened, the logical conclusion is that they will not give the audience a happy ending.
Blood! Kill them All! (that's what it's all about).
Besides, Spartacus' personal vendetta is over, and Crixus' too (and Naevia's, and Gannicus', and Agron's... wait... Agron... ha! I predict in the next season Nasir will be killed and Agron will want his revenge. They killed the other gay couple - Barca and Pietros).
Anyway. they killed Oenomaus. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!! (at least he died in battle).

Here are some Spartacus pearls of wisdom (aka quotes):
"The serpent comes in, walking as if human." (Batiatus, on Ilithya).
"It's no easy task to sever a man's head... you must find the right angle." (Crixus, to Naevia, on fighting).
"Proper is a word forged by men who would seek to enslave us with it." (Lucretia, on being a proper woman).
"You kiss my cheek only to finger my ass?" (Batiatus, on Spartacus' demands).
"There is only one way to become a champion, never fucking lose." (Gannicus, on being a champion gladiator).
"Come... the task should not be that difficult; I need only direct my blades towards the smell of shit." (Gannicus, on fighting an opponent blindfolded).
"There is but one path. We kill them all." (Spartacus, on gaining freedom).
"A man is never too weak or too wounded to fight, as long as the cause is greater than his own life." (Oenomaus, on fighting the romans).

Andy Whitfield, R.I.P.